I, again, am missing him this morning. My baby brother, Mark. He’s really gone; He is really gone. Loss is so hard.
Mark loved my niece (our oldest brother’s daughter) like his own. We have treated her like a sister throughout this entire loss. She was his rock and true compass the last few years of his life and that’s how he would want it. She and I were discussing plans yesterday of my coming to Florida for his burial next week. We were talking about the other siblings and their schedules. There were five of us and we wanted to make sure the ceremony would fit in to all of our schedules. It’s so strange how I almost said “how about Mark, have you heard from him?”
I knew my baby brother wouldn’t be showing up for his own service but old habits die hard. We were always checking on Mark, wondering if he was ok, worrying. It’s a natural response. I know that most folks do have to wean the habit of including the people they love in everyday life, once they’ve gone to Heaven.
Our loved ones are weaved in to the very fabric of our lives and it’s a part of us we don’t want to let go of. We are forced to create a new normal that doesn’t include them. When my Joey died it took me months before I accepted that my phone wasn’t going to ring all throughout the day to talk to his mama. It was one of the hardest realizations, although there are many.
So, it’s settled. On Tuesday evening we will bury my little brother’s remains in the center of my mother and father’s graves. It’s where he wanted to be. There was no love that ever could match the love that man got from his parents. We were so fortunate that cemetery/church property owners were happy to accommodate. I will be saying goodbye for the last time to Mark. That seems unbelievable.
I will douse myself with Frankinsence to keep me grounded and spiritually focused. I will stay centered in the fact that the one thing better than his being laid to rest between our parents, is that he is with them in spirit now. He has no more pain, no more demons, no more struggles. He is with the three who gave him life. God, Mom & Dad. Farewell my sweet brother. I will love you always. “We will meet on that beautiful shore“.