Missing him

abigail-keenan-27295-unsplashI miss him.  I really miss him.  “Him” could be a lot of the great men that have gone on to be with Jesus ahead of me.  This morning when I awoke I immediately buried my head back in my pillow.  I did not want to adult today….not at all.  I felt overwhelming sadness and longing to see him.

Him could be my dear sweet daddy who was gone too soon.  I think of him often although it’s been many years since he passed.  He was the hardest working person I ever knew and had the most tender heart.  I think that’s where I got mine from.  It tore him to pieces to have to have to spank us when we were growing up and we knew that.  He had compassion for each of and we knew he loved us very much.  Although it was rarely said it was obvious in his eyes.  He also loved my mama very much.  I can never remember any negative words between the two but only the sweetest example of what love should be between husband and wife.  Yes, I do miss that man.

Him could be my dear sweet great Uncle Bill who I think about every day.  He was a beautiful soul who lived to be in his late 80s.  I had just come to know him about 6 years ago when I discovered he lived in the very same city as me.  He was so elated for us to meet and so was I.  We developed a sweet relationship, one which made me finally realize where I come from.  He was on my mama’s side.  Uncle Bill was a character and loved life, his adoring Aunt Mette and his children like none other.  Meeting him made me acutely aware of where I got most of my genes from.  Unfortunately, he died last year.  He was one super amazing and loving soul.

Him could be my sweet baby brother Mark who we lost a few short weeks ago.  Mark had that same amazing heart as the others mentioned above.  I actually believe I had a visit from his spirit a couple of nights ago.  He came to me smiling in a dream.   He was all brand new.  There were no scars, no tattered look of weariness.  He had the face of an angel that showed a smooth perfection.  He is at peace and finally resting.  I am happy for my little brother.  Sad for us.

The him I am missing today is my precious son, Joey.  Startled by the beeping sound of the alarm clock this morning my mind went immediately to him.  My boy was almost 27 years old and while I’m so very sad about not having him here with me I am so grateful that he rests in superb company.  He’s been gone for over 10 years now which allows me to finally lay down all of the few difficult parts of his life.  It’s taken a long time.  I chose to enjoy all of the brightness my boy brought to this world.  I miss him, I want to touch him, smell him, hear him call me Ma.   I want to see his sweet smile and hear him giggle.  Gosh how I love that guy and made sure he knew it every day of his life.  He was an amazing, caring, loving, encouraging character and I rest in God’s promise that I will see him again.  He’s right there waiting along with all of the other precious Hims in my life.

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