Back home. It’s where I am right now. It is a 9 hour drive directly to my roots. It’s where I chose to leave my son’s remains. He is laid to rest right beside my parents. It was a tremendously hard decision on rather or not to keep his remains with me or lay them safely by my parents. No matter where my life takes me he will remain safe, right there.
As I traveled down to Florida I had lots of time to think. It’s when I do my best thinking actually. In my last post I talked about some life-changing heartaches. I recounted how I lost my mother when I was 15, my dad several years later and then my son who was my identity and my heart. These are all sad things and things we would hope that we never have to experience. Truth is we will all experience our fair share of heartache in this life. To live, is to die. It’s one thing we know for sure. Of course we always pray for later rather than sooner.
(Side note: Is this what we do when we’re on the other side of 50? Do we reflect a lot? Is this where we learn the most, when we’re able to look back at lessons learned and a life, lived?) As I continued to drive and recount pivotal moments in my life it gave me the opportunity to also be grateful.
It was very difficult to see when I was going through these hard times but in retrospect I realize that God sent me lifeboat every single time. When I was clawing my way out of grief…..struggling to get off the floor…..begging for the unchangeable….when I thought my life could not go on one more minute. Someone or something showed up. It was blessings abound and I couldn’t see them then. I just wasn’t looking.
When I start looking at life through lifeboat glasses it takes me to a whole new appreciation of it. Of course I will never delight in heartache but perhaps I can learn to be grateful for the Peaks that come from the Valleys. The low places are the places which strengthen us, it’s where we build the faith that carries us through to the next inevitable low. We just have to remember to look for the lifeboat.