Flashback to the red leaf

It was an unusually cold and Wintery morning December 19th 2007.  That’s the day we laidFrozen Red leaf my Joey to eternal rest.  I actually could see my breath in front of me.  As I walked out on to the front porch I looked around me at all of the deadness.  Everything looked blah, the grass was brown, no birds sang, the trees were all but bare and even they looked sad.  I had connected this season to  his passing and began to loathe it.  For many years a dread came over me when Winter came around.  It made me live those initial moments all over again, every single year.   Those wretched moments……….

The day I got the phone call; the day that brought me down to the floor and on the floor is  where I stayed for days after.   I felt it so hard to get up, to function, to accept and acknowledge he was gone.   Winter…….the season that took my son, claimed him as it’s own, the season I couldn’t change.  Oh how I hated this time of year.

Then on one particular Winter morning as I walked down my driveway to get to the mailbox I noticed something you don’t see very often in Florida.  It was a single, beautiful, red leaf, laying there at the tip of my shoes begging to be picked up.  I obliged.  As I admired it I looked around for any others within eye sight.  Nope, not one.  I thought it odd because it’s very rare that I encountered any sort of leaf change in North Florida.

Friends, for whatever reason right then and there I accepted it as a sign from my boy.  Then everything began to change.  From the day I assigned that red leaf to Joey, Winter slowly became ok again.  I could finally let go of the wicked feelings towards it.  I knew he was here.  I knew he was with me.  I could hear the birds sing again.  I could find beauty in Winter, it’s all around us!  Perhaps it was always was.

I find it ironic that I now live where the red leaves are so overly abundant at the end of Fall/beginning of Winter (E Tennessee).  I now seek them in the summer, the unseasonal time to be spotted.  In doing so, it further solidifies that they are signs from Joey.  I simply cannot believe we are to be left here with nothing.  So it goes, I will continue to seek out those beautiful red leaves until God’s promise is realized and I see my son again.

 

2 Comments on “Flashback to the red leaf

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