January 2, 2018 – It’s here. Today is the day. Do you have your coffee yet? Go ahead and grab it….I will wait. Come and sit…here by the window where the beautiful sun is stretching it’s rays towards us. We have some real important business today my friend. Today is my Joey’s birthday.
With all of the courage I can muster I am publishing my blog with intent today………because today I celebrate and honor my son in a most public way. It feels quite odd to be so brazen about him. I see him in my mind, I smell him, I rub his head then hear him giggle, I see his gate, his mannerisms, I feel his compassion, I hear his voice when he calls me Ma………he is cheering me on this very minute but I rarely allow myself these moments. I fall apart, even now. Joey would have been 37 years old today. Hard to imagine. He was my one and my only, my world, my identity. What a mother goes through after losing a child cannot be put in to words. She is changed, different, not whole.
There is no doubt in my mind that I have suffered the most horrific pain I could have ever thought possible……and yet somehow, by God’s good Grace, I am here. I am still standing. He is not done with me. There is work to be done for me here on this earth. I know I have a lot to give and that I must do. Instead of misplaced blame and anger I choose to focus my energies on good…..and to honor my son.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BELOVED JOEY, My Coondawg! I love you “infinity times infinity”